I get it, they’re your little ones, a precious piece of you and you want only the best for them. You have your religion and want for them to understand – as you do – the importance of ones religion and that yours, among all the world’s religions, is the right one. So what’s the problem?

A religion can’t be forced on someone and if like with some religion’s your policy is “just believe – no questions asked” your children will only do what they have to do, for as long as you can make them. Many religion’s believe that your faith is an individual choice between you and God. That is why for instance at an appropriate decision-making age, Christians baptize and Muslims choose to stay in or leave The Nation.

Dear I say your faith is the most important decision you can make in your lifetime?

Some religion’s believe in the afterlife, others believe in heaven on earth. Whichever concept you embrace, your faith is tremendously important and if your faith is indeed made to be a choice, then we would agree that there is no benefit to blindly following any religion.

Do you see possible good coming from the inclusion of religious history in schools? The purpose of these teachings would not be to suggest to the students which religion to follow, rather to inform students of the concepts and origin of all major religions, supplemented with the students independent research after which students would be better equipped to choose which faith they call their own.

A man gets mugged by a teenage boy then rewards his attacker by taking to him dinner. What’s wrong with this story? We don’t hear enough like it.

With increasingly difficult economic times for all, frustration and desperation is on the rise. As we focus on youth, crime – seemingly the quickest solution – is often the first option explored. Unfortunately, our response to crime worsens it since we are quick to accuse, condemn and punish, rather than find solutions that work. In the mentioned story, “reward” may be an inaccurate term but the victim was empathetic. The night’s events showed the young criminal that what he had been taught about kindness actually exists in some people.

This leads me to wonder: “why don’t we hear of more stories like this one?” We exert more effort to condemn people than we do to understand them. We easily accept this as the fate of others instead of trying to address the situation. Have we considered how many people merely need to see an alternative?

“Circumstances make me what I am…” – Buju Banton

People are not born criminals. While the positive path is always available, the current world economic situation is a breeding ground for criminal behavior and lack of jobs, rising cost of living, lack of funding for education and general pessimism give-way to an ongoing cycle of incarceration by the thousands. We can’t truly expect (as much as we wish it were the case) to have a generation of positive, productive young people if the environment they were raised in, is quite the opposite! What are the options for healing this epidemic?

PREVENTION:

As a community, society and country, there should be a collective effort to:
1. Stabilize dysfunctional families
2. Create more employment opportunities
3. Modify the education system to cater even to the most unmotivated student
4. Instill more wholesome values into the core of our culture
5. Create extra curricular programs to engage the youth in meaningful and productive activities

The above measures are a just few of many. The point is: we must exert a greater amount of time, energy and resources into people if we truly want better for them and by extension ourselves. If this were done people would be in a much better position to be positive, model citizens.

However, even with the right conditions some persons still choose trouble. We should not rule out that there are a number of individuals who turn to crime because of greed, laziness and a blatant disrespect for the communities they inhabit. These we leave to the long arm of the law. Thus, the next option is incarceration.

INCARCERATION:

Incarceration serves a number of purposes:
1. To isolate criminals thus preventing them from committing more crimes
2. To punish criminals for crimes committed
3. To deter others from engaging in criminal activity

Incarceration has its place but should never simply serve as a “quick fix,” and if it can be avoided then it should be.

REHABILITATION:

Rehabilitation is also another option for even the most “rotten” character. Rehabilitation can include:

1. Implementing community programs and support groups
2. Community service
3. Mandatory therapy
4. Social and moral instruction

Essentially, rehabilitation is a viable alternative for criminals who themselves, are victims of an unequal and unforgiving system and turn to crime out of desperation. Rehabilitation would give them the opportunity to reflect on how they can change, so they move forward in life instead of wasting away behind bars. Rehabilitation is drastically cheaper than incarceration. It costs much more to house, clothe and feed offenders than it does to put them in suitable programs that will help them to change and become self-reliant. Lastly, instead of overcrowding prisons, rehabilitation gives a would-be jail bird the chance to make a turn around and become productive citizens rather than a taxpayer’s burden.

Ultimately, people are not born “bad”. There is so much more we do can to deter people from becoming wayward. It takes a level of personal responsibility and maturity of the wrong-doers but collectively it is a problem that we all need to solve! Agree?

I’ve been taught in such a casual way and at such an early age, how to be the man that I’ve become, that I didn’t realize the lessons I learned till, tada – adulthood. Don’t laugh, but I once asked my sister if my mother knew “exactly” what she was doing. She’s about ten years older than I, so I figured she would know. Her response was “yes she did”.

Here are a few of the lessons from my mother (photo above), which stand out as making me the Positively Inclined individual I am:

PRIDE:

From a very early age, my mother had me clean the drain and the alley outside our house. Owing to my dislike for the task, I had to be instructed to do it otherwise it would never be done.

As I grew older, I understood my mother’s intensions. She used to say, “This is your home and you must take pride in it!” The drain – though a part of the public domain – was part of my home and the alley was one of the access paths to my home. The government pays cleaners to clean various drains and alleyways across the island, including ours, but theirs was merely a job, what I was doing was a matter of pride in myself and what I owned.

Looking at my days in school, I remember how cleaning the classroom, library and school yard was designated as punishment. Therein, the lesson is the complete opposite to the one my mother taught me.

At the time of this writing, none of the high schools or tertiary level education institutions in the federation of St. Kitts and Nevis have an Alumni and if any do, they do not function. With the lack of pride we’ve been taught, is there a question why?

RESPECT FOR WOMEN:

My mother and two sisters raised me with a deep-rooted love and respect for women. They encouraged me treat potential partners, as I would want them to be treated.

I’ve never been able to see a woman for less than the queen that she is. The love and validation I got at home made me content. I didn’t go elsewhere looking for validation, especially where my values had to be compromised to get it.

YOUR BATTLE IS YOURS ALONE:

While a child, my mother did not speak to me about many adult things. She had my much older sisters to talk to when need be. I remember one day learning that my mother was verbally mistreated by someone she knew. My natural reaction was tribal. I told my mother quite frankly that I would no longer speak to that person. My mother said that I’d do no such thing. Despite the person’s ill treatment of my mother, they always treated me with utmost love and respect. My mother instructed me to return that love and respect.

Gang members act in much the same way that I wanted to when I first heard of my mother’s issue. In school one day, the guys I was “liming” with were plotting to attack a young man from another school because one of the guys we were “liming” with had a problem with the young man. I removed myself from this group but before I left, I pleaded with them not to do what they were planning to. I learned a lesson from my mother that I applied in that case.

Don’t live asking “why” people come and more-so why they go.

Good friends are hard to come by, so why on earth would you need advice on how to let them go? Well, all good things come to an end… or so I’ve heard. Truth is, sometimes things just change (differing interests, maturity of one and not the other, distance, communication or what have you) and while I would love to pretend as though this advice comes from what I’ve heard or noticed of others, this advice unfortunately comes from my own experiences.

I firmly believe that everyone comes into our lives for a time and for a purpose and when that purpose is over so is their stint as our friend. Thankfully some friend’s purpose last a lifetime.

Now this post is not about “fake friends” or “frienemies” or “haters” or that crap people sing about in rap and dancehall music now-a-days, it is about that friend you love and that friendship you’ve cherished but no longer exists or no longer compares.

So how do you deal with that loss or that change?

Think about this: Have you ever overstayed your welcome? Therein lay a recipe for disaster as you tip toe around your hospitable host, sensing that a minefield of nerves wait to be stepped on, if you continue to over stay your welcome. Similar is the case with friendship. There is an avoidable awkwardness, a deafening silence, as you try to figure out how to fill the gap that you’ve created all by yourself… A gap because you long for an encore to a song that though you enjoyed, had obviously ended. The artiste’s rendition was beautiful but singing or dancing when your lungs are impaired or your muscles have been torn, is unwise.

My suggestion? You must give thanks for the friendship that you knew, the lessons learned, the time spent, the hard times, the delight and accept your reality.

Reminisce sparingly and move forward optimistically!

- Ervin Welsh, Mr. Positively Inclined

Picture this; a teenage boy takes his younger brother to the store to purchase a video game for his birthday. Then, just imagine, the younger brother asks for a video game with a female character and a “girly colour controller” – that’s different. As they were about to get it, their father entered the store and was outraged at the younger son’s choice; He insisted that he get something more “manly” instead; can you blame him? He told the son to choose a video game with guns and fighting but the boy stood his ground. He was determined to get his “girly” game! Of course they started to make a scene and the father made it clear that he would “woop” the younger son’s behind if he didn’t change his mind. At that point “big brother” stepped in and stood up for his younger brother. Then to make matters worst, (situation still unresolved) their frustrated father just left the store enraged.

I often wonder what’s the best way to go about reinforcing gender roles in situations such as this one. I can appreciate the stance their father took because he didn’t think that his son should be interested in purchasing girl games – as the son put it frankly – after all he is a boy. However, I am concerned about the manner in which that dad tried to resolve this “issue” and also his perspective of what being “manly” is.

Firstly, the dad seems somewhat confused about what it means to be a man. He basically told his young and impressionable son that a man’s game is one filled with violence. We hear of this narrative way too often – men validating themselves through violence and irrational behaviours. Right there and then, this father is giving his son a lousy image of what a man should be and at a time when he should be instilling more positive values in his son.

Threatening to punish the chap for having a particular preference isn’t reasonable. Even if the dad was angry, he could have resolved this issue in a better way. An alternative could have been to forego the game and purchase a fishing rod and line, a ball or some sort of equipment that they could bond over and thereby teach his son how to be a “man.” Instead, he seemed comfortable with leaving the task to a video game.

It’s also useful to consider the lasting effects that this seemingly simple incident can have on the son. The boy, though young, should already know the difference between wrong and right. If he does, then he certainly may reject all attempts from his father to make him “more manly” because he ought to know that violence is not right. The boy may even be more extreme with his liking for “girly things” – the total opposite of what dear dad wants.

Ultimately, all attempts of the concerned father to make his son more of a “man” by enforcing negative values may end up doing more harm than good. What do you think about this?

1) Communication

It’s not always about what is said, sometimes it’s about how we say things. For the former I don’t need a quote because you should know not to say anything if you have nothing nice to say. For the latter remember:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

- Proverbs 15:1 – The Holy Bible – New International Version

2) Respect

Respect people’s position even if it is different from yours.

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?”

- Confucius

3) Be the Bigger Man

It is fine to disagree but to be “wrong and strong” is the cause of many conflicts. Usually this is because pride takes over.

“Have confidence in your decisions. Make them expeditiously, and stay with them as long as you believe you are correct no matter what others say. However, when you conclude you were in error, do not hesitate to announce the error publicly and change course.”

- Edward Kock

4) Maintain Control

“Do not think of knocking out another person’s brains because he differs in opinion from you. It would be as rational to knock yourself on the head because you differ from yourself ten years ago.”

- Horace Mann

5) Avoid Conflicts Where Possible

Conflicts are not inevitable; disagreements are. Choosing to engage in conflict on account of a disagreement is not civil. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to step away from the situation.

“I don’t think avoiding conflict is not caring.”

- Shin

Any suggestions for avoiding or ending conflicts?

If time were money,
And you give it knowingly,
then make sure its worth it,
spend your time wisely.

- Excerpt from “Time” A Poem by Mr. Positively Inclined

What if we spent as much time being thankful for the little blessings, as we do dwelling on the big “curse?”

Step 1

Change your perspective!

See an opportunity to fix a problem.

If we see ourselves as problem solvers, we will never complain for an absence of work. How is that for perspective?

We live our lives constantly in transition – on the go – with the hope of making our lives more “comfortable.” The years we spend in discomforting pursuit of that comfort could be avoided if only we sought instead to find contentment in the little/lot we have.

A blessing is a blessing no matter how small.

The person that passed away in their sleep last night cannot give thanks for life today. The person that is has no food, cannot bless it before they eat and the person that is unemployed has no boss to complain about. What we see as curses are often blessings disguised but blessings have feelings to… give thanks for yours while you still have them.

School fee nuh fi floss inna dance.

Hearing a song like this in a party is quite the oxymoron actually, especially for those guilty of the charge! The song explicitly states “School fee nuh fi floss inna dance” – simply meaning parents should better prioritize their spending. You should too.

Lunch money nuh fi floss inna dance, book list nuh fi floss inna dance … doctor bill nuh fi floss inna dance.

Darrio speaks of a serious phenomenon where some careless parents go out and enjoy themselves, at their children’s expense – literally.

This ya for de flossing kings and queens dem, who a floss but nar floss de kids dem…

Throughout the song, the young, Jamaican artiste emphasizes that it is senseless to show off unimportant, material things and encourages parents to “floss” their children – meaning to invest time and money into their children before focusing on making themselves look good and feel good.

Darrio goes on, “den you have a set a gyal, ah walk a say dem hot and never deh a dem yard yet to cook a proppa pot, have de three year old pickney a nyam pon snack” Here, he chastises mothers who spend so much time out and about that they neglect to spend time with and to properly provide for their children.

Big up to the real man dem, wha tek care a dem kids, stand up inna de party an beat one guinness cyar him kno tomorrow morning him haffi pay de bills, and to baby modda a small thing he have to give.

Darrio was sure to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with going to a party and having fun. However he encourages moderation and prioritization.

Some parents’ values are in a rut and in “School Fee” Darrio vividly conveys and denounces how some parents sometimes neglect their children to have a good time – a very relevant message. Keep a keen ear out for songs like this one and don’t be afraid to share them with us.

Music:
Listen to the track below!

I didn’t want to pray for something I wasn’t sure I would give my all.

Today, before I ate, I prayed in thanksgiving for the food I had to eat. I was thankful for being able to provide for myself and prayed that those who didn’t have, would be provided for and would be able to provide for themselves in the future. In the past I prayed that I would be used to provide for those that can’t provide for themselves but with all that I do with my time and all that I have on my mind, I didn’t want to pray for something I wasn’t sure I would give my all – not because I didn’t want to but because I had enough on my mind.

When I finished praying, I thought about the section I omitted. It had been a year or more since I last prayed and included that request/invitation.

I thought in silence about how sometimes we don’t realize that tragedy strikes on good people for a reason.

I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason but I imagined what it would take for me to slow down. What would I have to lose, a limb, a sense (sight, sound, etc.)? If that is what it takes for me to slow down enough to feel capable of offering my time and resources in ways that God “may” want me to, then no wonder we face tragedies despite our commendable efforts.

Is it adequate for me to do so much if what I am really required to do is to feed one and I never do? I’d hope tragedy doesn’t strike for me to deem myself able to wholeheartedly open myself to giving in other ways but it does make me think that sometimes we do do do before we ask what is required of us – our purpose.